Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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