New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There r osticjed everywhere
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Send help, water and tortillas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
