I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
