I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
