if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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