saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
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At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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