i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
