too bad you live with your parents still
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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