you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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