dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
His hands were made for my vagina.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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