well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
