Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You took a bar mat shot.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
