Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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