How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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