i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
