That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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