Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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