So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
