Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
