I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
