We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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