I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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