yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
