So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
