I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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