Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize