I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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