i wish my penis had a tongue
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
