I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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