Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
