i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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