As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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