i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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