We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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