It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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