The maid of honor just puked.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
