That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
