nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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