Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
