Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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