you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
