hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
