im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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