Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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