My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
