So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
