So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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