i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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