Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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