I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
