girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
