I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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