so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
