My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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