We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
