I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
