Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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