Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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