I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
