dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
